the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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