just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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