I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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