for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
