well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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