FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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