Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm both gender and math confused
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
