I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
