my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
