kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
