I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
