he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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