can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
