Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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