I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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