They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
