I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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