Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
