I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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