I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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