I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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