i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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