She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
