So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
