oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
