whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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