I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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