When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
