just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
