Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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