I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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