Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
