i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
