We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
