the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
