I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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