I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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