Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
