My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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