Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
