so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
there is glitter all over my balls
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