can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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