'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
