you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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