I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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