Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
