I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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