coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
