just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
