How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Terrible idea I love it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
