And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
