i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
