My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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