i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
