it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just come out here and I will go home with you...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
