By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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