mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
