When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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