just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
