i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
