fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
