I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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